Bad Hair Day
or maybe I should say “Bad No Hair Day”….today has been a sombering wake up call. Yesterday I went to a new stylist and after 70 minutes in his chair, I emerged with no hair! For the majority of my life I have had short hair. For the past several years, I grew my hair to greater and greater lengths to a point where my mop of curls became a part of me.
When I had short hair, I wanted longer more stylish hair. While my girlfriend would argue that my hair had no style, just curl, I would argue that the curls were the style. Anyways, the curls released me from coveting long hair…I liked them and life was good.
Today, my hair is one centimeter away from being a butch cut. The “stylist”, a guy, gave me some Paul Mitchell hair glue to impart some semblance of style on my hair. The stuff looks and smells like Elmers glue and has little effect on my hair. It’s all got me up in arms. I am depressed.
True, I feel somewhat liberated and free, but when I look in the mirror I do not see me, I see a drill sargeant or a marine or something. It will take some time to grow accustomed to having no hair.
The real impact will be on my psyche. My former hair gave me confidence as a non-conformist. It was my signature. Now I am just another nameless dude in a never ending sea of dudes with short hair and bad haircuts.
Needless to say, I will never visit a man stylist again. My theory is that if I am going to shell out $50+ for a haircut and have a man cut my hair he had better be gay. Hip, educated gay guys know how to cut, color and style. I cannot say the same for straight hair guys. Even though I have only visited one, they just don’t have the creativity and caring of a gay guy. Gay guys know if you look good, just like female stylists know if you look good….but can a straight guy really know if another dude looks good?
I’m straight and while I have an idea when I meet another good looking guy, I don’t really know. It’s more of a vague, undeveloped, fleeting thing where I think, “I bet chicks think he’s good looking”…and then it’s gone. Straight guys aren’t supposed to really know if another guy is hot. It’s sort of like ordering Lobster in Duluth Minnesota, you could do it, but it’s going to suck. Same with going to a straight guy for a $50 haircut, if you are a dude, you could do it, but it’s probably gonna suck.
For the lobster example, I have ordered lobster in Duluth Minnesota and it was horrible.
My apologies to all straight guys who also cut hair. I’m sure you are awesome, maybe I just got a bad apple. I might try again, but not until well after my wedding. It will take me 9 months just to grow my old hair back, maybe longer!